Get Your Adverbs Here
by Tech Duinn
Summary: Mr. Spock eats a lollipop. Crack. Implied K/S. M for language and an extremely suggestive situation.


Get Your Adverbs Here

If there was one thing in the world McCoy hated, it was Gamma shift. Every crew member was scheduled for one shift per week, and despite McCoy's protests that as CMO he should be exempt from the rotation, Spock insisted that it was good for the junior officers' morale to see their commanders suffering through the same interminable eight hour watch that carried the Enterprise from late evening to early morn.

McCoy had told the Vulcan where he could shove his crew morale, which was probably why he'd been picked to fill in last minute for Dr. Ryce, who was sick with Levodian Flu.

Fucking figured.

The worst part of Gamma was the fact that medical was a goddamn ghost town. Med bay had to be staffed at all times by two attendings and three nurses, but it was against regulations to schedule any routine exams or physicals during Gamma, and the Enterprise hadn't had a brush with hostility in over two months, which meant the only activities McCoy could occupy himself with were filling out paper work, or doing inventory.

He'd blow his brains out before suffering through either of those.

What he needed, McCoy decided as he prowled the vacant halls, was a long-term distraction, something to amuse himself with for the rest of the night.

Which was right around the time he entered the officer's mess and spotted Spock seated at a far table, fellating a lollipop under Jim's slack-jawed gaze.

Yeah, McCoy thought, that'd do.

He strolled over to their table and studied Spock with as straight a face as he could manage as the Vulcan hollowed his cheeks around the confection, a long and loud slurp sounding in the otherwise silent room.

"Howdy, y'all," he said with no small amount of sarcasm, quirking a brow at Spock, who nodded pleasantly in greeting before turning back to the duty rosters on his PADD.

"Hi, Bones." Jim didn't even look up, his eyes riveted to Spock's mouth.

McCoy flipped a free chair around and straddled it, resting his crossed arms over its back.

"Spock," McCoy asked evenly, "whatcha doin'?"

Spock released the lolli with a loud pop. Distantly, McCoy heard Jim whimper.

"Lieutenant Uhura received a box of confections for her birthday. As I have never consumed a …lollipop?" At McCoy's nod Spock continued, "a lollipop before, she graciously offered it to me."

Spock went back to his treat, licking the head of the ruby-red bulb slowly before fully engulfing it in his mouth once more.

"Uhuh," McCoy replied, glancing over at Jim, who was beginning to pant.

"So, Jim," McCoy said, "I came to talk to you about that upgraded bio-scanner we were discussing earlier."

Jim didn't reply, eyes trained on Spock's tongue as it flickered around the base of the lollipop.

"You said you'd think about putting in a request for medical. You decide yet?"

Jim's eyes widened as Spock slurped at the lollipop again, this time sucking firmly on its top.

"_Jim_."

"Yeah?" Jim replied, his voice sounding an octave higher than normal.

He quickly cleared his throat and turned to face McCoy for the first time that night, sweat glistening on his upper lip.

"I'm sorry. I didn't catch that." Jim darted a look at Spock out of the corner of his eye, his attention instantly arrested by the sight of Spock licking his lips. Jim mimicked the gesture unconsciously.

"What?" he asked.

McCoy smirked. "You're going to sign off on that new imager, right?"

Jim shifted in his seat as Spock twirled the lollipop in his mouth.

"Uh, yeah, sure. Just forward the req. form to my PADD and –" Jim went silent when Spock began to slowly stroke his thumb and forefinger up and down the length of the lollipop's stick.

McCoy hid his smile in the palm of his hand.

"You know, med bay's pretty quiet right now. Want to knock out your next round of immunizations?" he asked, his hand muffling the sound of laughter in his voice.

"Yeah, that sounds good," Jim replied absently, tightly gripping the edge of his seat when Spock began to bob the lollipop back and forth in his mouth.

McCoy disguised a bark of laughter as a cough. "Spock, it's almost 02:00. Don't you need to check in with the bridge?"

Spock looked up from his PADD in something approximating surprise, and nodded while pulling the glistening lollipop from between the tight seal of his red-stained lips.

"Yes," he said. "Thank you, Doctor; I had not realized the time."

Spock looked askance at his candy as if trying to decide what to do with it. He quirked a brow, then bit down on the lollipop. As the crunch of candy breaking echoed through the air, Jim jerked in his seat.

"Captain," Spock said, rising from the table in once graceful movement, "we still need to discuss the yearly performance reviews. Will you be free tomorrow evening?"

"Yeah," Jim choked, nodding with manic enthusiasm.

"Very well. Goodnight, Doctor, Jim."

Jim followed Spock's exit like a dog followed the sight of dinner plate.

"So," McCoy said loudly, clapping his hands together, causing Jim to jump, "let's go do those immunizations."

Jim glared at McCoy, but the effect was ruined by the tell-tale blush that had spread up his neck to the tips of his ears. "You evil bastard."

McCoy finally let his laughter loose, the sound of his mirth filling the officer's mess with unmistakably vindictive warmth. He clapped Jim on the shoulder, then fisted his hand in the captain's shirt and dragged him out of his chair.

"With you two around," McCoy said, eyeing the wet spot at Jim's crotch with no small amount of amusement, "who needs holovids?"

* * *

><p>AN: This short is a response to a challenge on the KSarchive (Lollipop by TechnoPoet). The prompt was: "Spock, lollipop(s), preferably non-crackfic. Go!" and was inspired by a picture of Leonard Nimoy in full costume enjoying a lollipop on the set. (You can find it on Goggle images.)<p>

My apologies to TechnoPoet, because this is definitely crack.

As always, thanks to my Beta Spockaholic.

Hope you enjoyed!


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